Affective Current Account

Today I am going to present a new tool that I often teach my patients that I think is extremely useful for life in general. This is the "current account affective"

This tool is designed in order to maintain a proper "flow" of capital affectionate with people that really matter, and thus increase the respective levels of self-esteem. It is relatively easy to apply, but in order to take full advantage, it is essential to understand its mechanism of action

There are multiple ways to define people and one of them is split into active and reactive. Reactive people are those that are limited always to react to other people or events of his life: If this person does not talk, he sad. If I smile, I'm happy. In bad day, I'm sad, and so on. These are people who give away their power to others, and are trapped by the basic belief "as long as I want, where you have to sign" over and submissively dependent, environment and circumstances.

These people have a greatly diminished self-esteem, looking at what others are not able to be themselves. Sometimes sued acceptance, recognition or other affection, but always, your conduct will show that their "love tanks themselves," are completely empty.

Such conduct plaintiff suffering surrounds them in a more or less diffuse, but do not generally perceive, is parallel to that suffering, is generated in them, a "Department of resentment." The resentment is created, forcing the ongoing effort to respond to the desire of another, and that is generating, "cup to cup," the corresponding resentment. Bitterness, which often operate in the most inopportune time, leaving them confused, depressed and guilty, which in turn re-launch the mechanism of submission.

By contrast, active people are those who make things happen. If you want something, focus on what they want, regardless of the environment and go for it. Never give your power away to anyone. Are self-sufficient than they need and therefore, are rich in self-esteem.

We know that self-esteem is the key ingredient of the so-called emotional intelligence. We define emotional intelligence as the ability to recognize feelings, emotions and moods themselves and others, and also possess the skill to handle them.

Accordingly, emotional intelligence is the sum of intrapersonal intelligence (which is one that refers to the self, access to one's emotional life, being able to discriminate those emotions and behave according to them), more interpersonal intelligence ( based on the ability to put a tie in the place of another, can relate harmoniously with it). It was the Harvard professor Howard Gardner, who in 1983 formulated the theory of multiple intelligences, among which are the last two I just mentioned.

In today's world, people are generally poor self-esteem, because the dominant belief system and have been responsible for our happiness and instill accommodation, always dependent on something external to us: call it beauty, money, power, success, and so on.

Therefore, so every time we move inexorably over "how I feel," to settle in "as I value others." The result of this change is that without realizing it, we lose self-esteem.

Returning to the topic at hand, I ask patients to list those they deem important emotionally, and who would like to create a network of empathy and solidarity, which in turn engender the necessary synergies for all increase their levels of self-esteem.

Basically, it is "open checking accounts affective" with each of these people and start doing 'revenue. " If, for example, my son likes basketball, I can give a basketball magazine, a friend I can call to ask about your health, I can greet with affection, give smiles, and so on. All this, I seek some "emotional bank accounts" sound.

If at any time, with someone I do not behave, it's like If I did a "reimbursement", but as he "entered" consistently in your account, I have enough credit to repair my action.

Surely, we all have an ex friend you've been pulling our credit, as well as not to enter our own emotional, do not stop "withdrawals" with his bad behavior toward us. In the end, as banks do, did not give him more credit and lost our friendship.

Eduardo Cabau